Kundalini Yoga with Bijay J Anand

Violence and physical abuse in a relationship – What to do when you love him and don’t want to let go

Bijay J Anand,

Physical abuse

I once got a call at 2.30am from a dear friend who told me that she was at Colaba police station because one of her best friends had been beaten up black and blue by her husband. The reason why she had called me was that the cop on duty had refused to take down her complaint despite having made them wait for over 4 hours.

A couple of phone calls later, I came to realize that the reason why there was lethargy on the part of the uniforms to take action against an obvious monster was on account of the serious amount of clout the lady in questions husband wielded in society and its administrators.

A couple of more phone calls later by myself ensured that this anomaly was set right and that the monster was unceremoniously picked up from his home and thrown into the lock up.

The reason why I am writing about this now is that when this monstrous gentleman got out on bail he begged, pleaded and cajoled his way back into the lady’s heart and earned her forgiveness and they actually lived happily after.

Point is that a bully is a bully when he knows that he can lash out and get away with it. When a human being realizes that there’s retribution by way of a strong backlash on account of his misdemeanors then the propensity to arbitrarily hit out takes a serious amount of insanity.

Physical abuse

Women who take physical abuse quietly lying down and bear the torture day in and day out would do well to realize that the power they wield in this regard by way of the numerous NGO’s and the social media.

The biggest problem such women face is the fear of spoiling the family name and putting her children and parents into disrepute by coming out into the open about the true reason of their black-eye.

What I have to say to that is that the onus of protecting the family name is as much on the man of the house as it is on the woman. If the only recourse left to the physically abused woman is to ask for help from the police, NGO or the social media then it is incumbent upon her to protect the texture of her soul, her life as well as her mental equilibrium.

In any case, children who are witness to such sordid acts of violence being perpetrated upon their beloved mother rarely grow up to be normal and well rounded human beings. Beholding such a gross violation of a human’s self-respect is an especially scarring scenario that is played out for the remainder of the innocent child’s life.

In my own classes that I teach, I have numerous students who come up to me and recount sordid details of systematic physical abuse heaped upon them by their spouses. It breaks my heart that most refuse to set matters right on account of their fear of societal reactions and damage to their reputation.

My counsel to them is always to try to make them understand that the man who can lay his hands on a hapless, defenseless woman is a man who is sick in the mind in the first place. Such men are devoid of love for themselves and have no self-respect whatsoever. In many of such cases my advice is also to just simply walk out of the abusive relationship. Wherever one feels that the situation can be remedied, I intervene and advise accordingly.

To whoever is reading this and going through the tortuous ignominy of physical abuse, here is a list of do’s and don’ts-

Sat Nam

One Response to “Violence and physical abuse in a relationship – What to do when you love him and don’t want to let go”

  1. Jyo Sian says:

    Inspiring article with sound advise, sad this reality exists round the world and some women unfortunately suffer in silence! Thank you for highlighting DV being a big issue that needs to be tackled! Bigger challenge women in denial and fear need help!

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